Avoiding Drama

One thing that happens in the community, that most don’t want to happen, is drama. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen or heard something that’s sparked a fire on my tongue. I’ve been working truly very hard on stepping out of the ring, pulling the gloves off, and waiting for it to pass. Sometimes I slip and throw some popcorn into the ring, but only when I’m overwhelmed with passion for a topic or what’s happening will I pick up my chair and join the fight.

With that said, I wanted to share some of my thoughts on how I’ve been working to avoid all the drama and encourage the #fetishsisterhood.

So first, don’t start drama. I don’t seem to have the problem of starting any drama, so I don’t have any tips about how not to do that. But you definitely want to do whatever you think will avoid starting it in the first place.

However if you did start some drama that you didn’t intend to; stop, drop, and roll. Stop fueling it. Drop the topic entirely. And then roll away from it. It should die out on its own or at least be fanned away from you. If you did something wrong, then apologize sincerely and leave it at that. If others still want to feed into it, it’s their problem, not yours.

If you happen upon some drama already in progress, don’t chime in. Bite your tongue. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, you will feel entirely justified by making your voice heard, and even obligated. Don’t do it.

Instead you can find a back door to getting your opinion and voice out there. Such as if you see Domme A accusing Domme B of poaching a sub from Domme C, then message Domme C directly advising of what you are hearing and from who. Then she will know about it, which is ultimately the best answer to this situation.

Sometimes if you put your opinion out there, you might get some backlash for it. Just let it roll off. Each of us has our own kinks, fetishes, niches, etc. We each approach the #financialfetish in a different way, our own ways. It’s also best to put your way out there so that your kind of subs will find you. Often there are those that feel it necessary to comment non-productively or alienate you for your way. Don’t let it bother you. That’s their opinion, which they are entitled to, and they are trying to spark a bit of drama by voicing it directly to you.

There’s times and places for discussion about the fetish and its huge umbrella of variations, but if you cannot see another’s perspective and are only trying to force yours on them, then it’s not a discussion, it’s drama. Don’t fuel it, just ignore it.

Instead of replying to someone else’s way with your opposite opinion, see it as a kickstart for yourself to voice your way on your own platform. If it motivates you about how you would see the topic, then go ahead and voice it but in your own time and place. If you see a tweet where someone wants items from Amazon but you prefer DeliveryCode, then send out your own tweet advertising your DeliveryCode wishlist link.

But overall the biggest time I see drama sparked is when a question is posed. It can be from a Domme or a sub, new or old, and often times I will see snarky comments, rude replies, and sometimes even downright abusive behavior. I’m not sure what it is about the online environment where people just feel the need to be abusive, but it’s wrong.

If someone seeks out help, then they should get it. If someone continually reaches out for help and obviously either doesn’t want it or doesn’t follow the help they do get, then it’s time to flex that ignore skill. No need to point it out. If the same person is continually asking for the same help, then others will begin to notice and will stop helping or get annoyed with them. Let them dig their own hole, no need to help them and risk getting caught in it.

However just because you see the same question asked, doesn’t mean it’s from the same person. I am often on a game server that has a unique set of rules. Daily we get new people and they all ask the exact same questions, sometimes only minutes apart. Yes it’s aggravating and annoying. I’ve developed a skill for quick one-line (or one word) answers to those questions. The questions will be asked, and there’s no stopping that. You will just make yourself look bad in the process by being snarky or rude to someone’s question. Unless that’s your character, but then just know that’s how you will be perceived.

But overall, if someone is seeking help and others want to help, then by all means let it happen. If you can’t help, then move on. If you can, then be helpful. If you see someone adding their not-needed two cents, then ignore it and maybe try to put a more helpful spin on things by adding advice, tips, or helpful comments. Sometimes I snarky retort cleverly disguised will make you feel good, but don’t go over the top.

I guess this can be considered my two cents. Just had to get that off my chest.

~Ms C